Tuesday, September 14, 2010

More things your Asian parents say

Due to the tremendous support for my first "Parents say the Darnedest things" post, I shall hereby share some further pearls of wisdom from our dearest Asian parents.

1. "Don't bathe immediately after eating."
Thank you Anita for reminding me of this one! Somehow, lying prostrate in tub of H2O immediately following a meal will result in...indigestion, which will result in death of course.
2. "Don't run or jump around after a meal or you'll get appendicitis."
My mum told me that big movements after a meal will make the food in your intestine FALL into your appendix where it will rot, thus causing it to explode resulting in...death. She was deadly serious about this and gave really graphic descriptions of the outcome. I was so horrified impressed that to this day, I won't even lift a hand to do the dishes after dinner due to fear of the itis.
Truth: in 2nd year university, a friend of mine had appendicitis and my first question upon seeing her was "were you jumping around after eating?"
3. "Don't sit too close to the TV or you'll go blind."
Also applies to looking too long at the computer screen or reading books held too close to your eyes. Unless said book is your medical/law/accountancy textbook, if so, you'll have to read it even if your electricity has gone out and all you have is a lone candle. Mummy and daddy will buy you a Braille version when you go blind.
4. "You are _____(good thing) because you take after me."
Cos like Fergie, you got it from yo mama. If you're tall, thin, fair and beautiful, it's because your Asian parents bestowed you with their faultless genetics. If you've got kinky hair, stumpy legs, pimples and a tiny bit of happy fat, they don't know where you came from, the hospital must've pulled a fast switcheroo when their perfect child was born.

5. "You are _____(bad thing) because you learnt it somewhere!"
That is because Asian parents have no bad habits. End of discussion.

6. "Don't shake your legs or you'll be poor."
There was a proverb thing that went with this, something like "Human sway fortune thin, Tree sway leaves fall". When I see people shaking their legs in public transport, I really want to walk up to them and tell them to stop shaking or their fortune will get thin.
7."Don't poke your bellybutton or you'll have diarrhoea."
It will be painful and...explosive...

8. "Tampons will break your virginity."
Only said to girls for obvious reasons. If you use tampons, you won't be a virgin any more and the Harvard graduate doctor won't marry you. I don't even know where the reasoning for this one came from, but chances are if you're Asian, your parents DID NOT give you the birds and the bees talk any way so you wouldn't have had the chance to ask.
9. "Did you greet auntie and uncle?"
This dreaded phrase. This bane of my existence. The embarrassment associated with these simple words can only be understood by another Asian child who has been subjected to this cruel and inhuman punishment. It's not that I'm unfriendly or don't the the initiative in greeting people, it's just that my mother will ALWAYS beat me to the punch line!There'll be times when I'm just opening up my mouth to vocalise my greeting, she would've uttered those dratted words already. It's like a race, to embarrass me.
It doesn't help that majority of the time, we have no idea who the person we're greeting actually is. Are we really expected to know the wife of the 4th uncle of my cousin twice removed who recently graduated from Harvard medicine and has just married a lawyer who graduated from Cambridge?
The conversation usually goes like this:
Mum: "Did you say hello to auntie and uncle yet ah?!"
Child ADULT offspring: "Yes."
Mum: "When?"
ADULT offspring: "When I arrived."
Mum: "Didn't hear, say so softly like mosquito ga"
ADULT offspring: "...I said it already."
Mum: "Say again la, say loudly, Uncle is old and cannot hear so good, you say so softly."
ADULT offspring: *finds nearest man hole and jumps in* 
The whole time, the person you're suppose to greet will watch you unwaveringly and expectantly...
Hi, my name is Nunu, I am 26yrs old and my mum tells me to greet people.
10. "Did you eat yet?"
Even if you come home at 11:30PM, your Asian mum will ask you this question. If you reply in the affirmative, she will then proceed to make you give her a run down on precisely what it was that you ate. Regardless of the answer, she will tut, get up and bring you a bowl of soup that's been simmering since 5:00AM to supplement your "un-nutritious" meal.

Asian parents, you can't live with them, you can't live without them.


  1. ahahaha, my aunt used to torture me with point 9. We need to pitch a show about this. It may be racist but it's gonna be popular!

  2. omg! number 9 is the worst...haha I love this list so funny XD

  3. Hahah! I had a good laugh with these, thanks! Have definitely heard them allll XD

  4. Dude, I've heard every one of these except for one! Hahaha...XD

  5. I hear #10 ALLLL the time! lol My mother insists on packing my lunches for work because she wants to make sure I have enough to eat! (I'm 23 btw)I end up going to work with quarts full of rice, veggies and fruits enough to feed an army! @_@

  6. I've heard #1, although my parents amended it to "don't shower right after eating". When asked why, they say because I'll fat to death. o_O??

    I've kind of heard #2, only they say "don't exercise after you eat or you'll get appendicitis". At the same time, they tell me that after I eat I can't just sit there or go to sleep else I'll fat to death.

    #3-5, #9-10: OMG that is my life. Especially #9. (annoy to death)

    #6 They tell me not to shake my leg because I'll LOOK poor.

    #7-8 I haven't heard these, and I'm thankful. lol.

    Thank you, Nunu. I love these posts! ^^

  7. haha, wow! my parents say a lot of these things

    Jennifer & Sherry

  8. lol@ shaking leg comment...

    I kinda believe in it and also the fact it's actually very annoying when I watch a person do it LOL!!

  9. Hahaah totally awesome post!

    I heard a different version of the leg shaking thing...that you get cancer! :P

  10. This is so f--ing hilarious!!!

    I get #9 & #10 ALOT.

    My parents do #4 quite often too and the belly button point is just ludicrous!!! LOL!

    I know what you mean about Asian parents...

  11. I think it's both sad and funny. :X About the larger trench size, my mama taught me well...lol!

    Girl, have you seen the cute COATS Juicy makes?

    I'm curious now. Where did you live prior to Canada? ;)

  12. I just thought of something my mum would ask everytime I went out be it shopping, cinema, party...
    Who are you going with, is it a BOY?!?! Haha

  13. LOL!
    oh nunu <3
    3, 4, 5, 9, 10.
    9 happens a lot lately. it is usually accompanied by, you weren't smiling when you greeted them. mom I was smiling. well not brightly enough!

    and 10...well i take that as a sign of affection, though an annoying one. the first thing my friends mother says to her when she calls, or her mother calls her is not, hello, how are you, but rather, did you eat?! lol

  14. I love this series!! The greeting and the staring at screens hurts your eyes are very popular with my mother.

  15. So true! I've heard most of them too :D

  16. HAHAHA! I did sit very close to the TV and now I'm so blind! so there is some truth in what they say! and yeah my dad always ask me if i have eaten whenever he calls me, even if its at 3pm in the afternoon lol

  17. I can't believe I didn't see this post sooner, but #6 with the shaking leg bugs me. I actually hear my coworker doing it because I hear the shoelaces. So tempted to tell him he's going to stay poor if he keeps the habit.

    Have you heard the thing about moles? If you have a mole on your ear it means your stubborn? If you have a mole near you mouth, it means you like to eat? I wonder if get this mole above my lip removed that I'll actually lose weight from not liking to eat. ;/

  18. lol to this day i am still paranoid about showering or jumping around after eating...

  19. Oh also i used to hate meeting relatives because of the whole did you call aunty thing...to this day i still dread family gatherings. Not to mention I have no idea what to call 90% of them (you know how chinese have different words for aunts and uncles)

  20. wahahhahaha, I did a similar post on this when I first started my old blog, and asian parents... all the same huh!



  21. I went through all those and even today, I'm still told to never shower right after eating. haha! Thanks for sharing! Love your posts!! <3

  22. haha so I gave my dad a call last night, and the first thing he said was "did you eat yet?" I laughed and immediately thought of your blog!

  23. this is hilarious! no. 9 and no.10 especially. asian parents are the best! hahaha

  24. oh wow, you are right on spot XD my parents are exactly like this! i actually found this blog while researching reviews on the dollywink liquid eyeliner :) after reading your review i really wanna buy it more now :D thank you :)

  25. hahahhahahah omg you are so funny. I hear the "did you greet them?! say it louder!" thing a lot. my mom also tells me not to SHOWER after I eat...my only explanation for this is that somehow she mixed up swimming with bathing and bathing with showering? Who knows...

  26. My parents arent asian (their Belgians :p) but they always told me not to bathe after eating too =D

    xxx Vee