Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Even more things your Asian parents say.

  1. "Giving birth to a piece of char siu is better than giving birth to you."
    This is because if she'd given birth to a piece of glazed BBQ pork she could at least eat it and be full.
    P.S. Running away from the chicken feather duster only results in being hit harder for longer.
  2. Confirming the fact that you look bad/fat/did something stupid.
    Come home looking like crap after a month of exams? Forget about making you feel better, you can count on your Asian mum to comment on how big your pimples are, how dark your panda eyes are and how chubby you've become. After 30mins of this, they will shove enough food to feed an African village in your face and declare that you've been starved.
  3. "You study so much and you don't know what this means?"
    As far as Asian parents are concerned, the fact that you went to school means you should be all knowing. What do you mean you don't understand what's on their medical prescription form? What did you go to school for? If I had the privilege to study as much as you did, I would understand this!
  4. Bargaining
    My grandmother tries to bargain inside DEPARTMENT STORES. The extra cringe factor comes when I tell you she does this in Chinese in a Western department store ToT.
  5. "Why are you always comparing yourself with the worst?"
    Said when you tell them 60% of the class failed the Stats exam that you scraped by in. This is usually accompanied by...
  6. ...Chinese Proverbs. 
    Getting scolded is 100 times worse when its done through Confucian sayings.
  7. Repeating things. Ad infinitum.
    You know the pain of this one. My mum is STILL telling people the story of how I peed my bed one night when I was 7. (I dreamt I went to the toilet ok??!! Gees!) If they're not repeating age old yore to embarrass you, they're repeating things 20 times over to "remind" you to do or refrain from doing something.
  8. Scare tactics.
    This is the Asian parents' form of reverse psychology. Scare tactics always contain "facts" which your parents will quote to you in order to "substantiate" their claims. All scare tactic scenarios end with gruesome and painful death or whatever other terror they've succeeded in creating in your fragile young mind. These "facts" are either, complete and utter BS that your Asian parents dreamed up, used with permission from other Asian parents, or were recently published in the Asian newspaper (see below)
  9. Quoting from the Asian newspaper.
    Anything published in an Asian newspaper might as well have been chiselled on a mountain onto two stone tablets. Do not dispute with the Asian newspaper. They form part of the reference list of "facts" and will be whipped out whenever the need for scare tactics or "suggestions" (in other words, orders which must be followed) arises. My parents still don't own a microwave because they read that they leak radiation, my dad refuses to do any form of online banking or even use the ATM for fear of "hackers", and you should stop eating sushi because someone in the newspaper had their brains sucked out by a worm after eating sushi.
  10. And lastly because it's so true: 
In addition, Asian parents also possess other charming traits such as a refusal to wear socks of any colour other than white, although on special occasions, Asian mums will wear flesh coloured ankle socks made out of pantyhose material, which are, by the way, only sold in Asia.
I hope you all understand that this series of posts weren't meant to be racist or disrespectful. I adore Asian parents. I have two of them myself and I love them despite their crazies.


    1. love the bbq pork one! and the references to the newspapers are SO TRUE. my sis is in health sci and often disputes my mum's references from the stuff she reads but she doesn't care!! I remember her telling us that we should eat fruit before dinner because it's more healthy and helps you digest food... i think it's because she didn't want to cook food and we'll be just be full from fruits!

    2. It's so funny that each one I read I had an image of what my parents have said to me! LOL

    3. LOL this is funny because i can relate to it. but i think i have this barrier to protect me from my parents now because i have gotten used to their crazy antics. do more types of these anecodotal posts - so funny!

    4. Aw the video didn't work for me, it just closed my browser when I clicked on it??

      I def. had experience with point 2 LOL. I cracked up at number 1, I can imagine myself saying that to my future offspring JKJK. Ugh my sister is all about number 3. Bah

    5. OMG... I LOVE number 10!! Hilarious!

      I learned that in Hong Kong, you HAVE to bargain in department stores. They gave me 10% off before I asked, because I said I was also thinking of buying it from a different store!

      Asian newspapers... oh dear. In Japan, there's a TV show which is called "scary medical things that could happen to you" (like you cough and it's actually cancer, or something like that). My parents watch that religiously, joking about it, but you know what they tell me when I cough...

      Flesh colored ankle socks made out of pantyhose!! I saw this for the first time in mainland china!!! They seem to be super popular!!

    6. Hmm flesh coloured socks could be useful though...LOL I love this series, it really makes me realize that Asian parents are so hilarious!

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    7. LOLOL! Where do you get these from!? because I totally get all of them. Funny but kind of sad XD

    8. THANK GOD i'm not the only one not understanding the existence of those beige socks that my mum STILL insists that I wear in the summer.. and she asks me why i dont wear them EVERY SINGLE DAY lol

      and the video is so true lol

      love your post as usual! :)

    9. ahahah, great post!! I really like no.9..soo funny!

      Thanks so much for commenting on my post and for the lovely compliments!

    10. Flesh colored socks!! Ewww!! But they are popular with older women...I see them being worn alot here in Japan...

    11. 9 out of 10 of them happened to my parents! lol my mom happened to think those socks are ugly though XD

    12. I should send this to my mother! Y_Y

    13. My favorite post series from you lol! Sorry I'm so late to comment.

      1. Hey, at least cha siu is tasty.
      2. My mom and grandma are pro at this. If I don't stop eating lard-laden American food I'll fat to death. But this lard-laden Chinese roast duck and pork's ok, eat MOAR.. MOARRRR!~
      3. "You're born in America and yet you don't know what this means?!?!? What did I give birth to you for?? You're dumb like a clump of rice! Dumb to death!" Have you heard of that one, Nunu? lol..
      9. The newspaper is like.. gospel to my grandma. I mentally check out of the conversation as soon as she starts a sentence with "Well, the newspaper said.." Once she scolded me for using the computer because the newspaper said that I will get diabetes from using computers too much. Lee Kum Kee was banned from our household for a while because of the carcinogen scare (I was so sad.. Lee Kum Kee actually accompanied me at every meal lol). Also, because the newspaper said that bean sprouts are good for you for a variety of reasons I don't give a snot about, we were forced to eat it at every meal for a month. I. Hate. Bean sprouts.

    14. I really can relate with you on so many points and the video is hilarious :D

    15. I haven't laughed so much for a while! All these are true, i know, because they all happened to ME!! Especially the feather duster, it took me a good few years to realise no matter how much i resist it, i'll just get it harder!!

    16. Omg, you are right on the ball with ALL of these. That video made me crack up, haha. I hate when they do the repeat over and over again thing x______x so annoying. + the newspaper thing, they treat that thing like a holy bible - 100% correct thing. Thanks for this ;D

    17. #3 OMG YES. It bothers me so much when they say that!!!

    18. OMG I agree with all of the above, especially the damn newspaper! Radio too!

    19. Lol, sadly this is actually kinda true. I'm assuming you're Cantonese since you used the term 'char siu' for pork XDD

      Ahh, you're a comedian too! <3